Anti-social tongue-wagging

“Amused”? Is that the right word? Or maybe its “perplexed” that sort of describes what I want to say, maybe not. How about, erm….oh for goodness sake – sometimes there is no point in being diplomatic, so here goes.

What is it with people?! Don’t they get it?! And why are so many smug, public-school-educated journalists ignorant of the broader benefits of technology? Why do they bleat so?

The economy is melting down. There are clashes in cities between the Extreme Right and Muslims. Little boys are being attacked and beaten up by other nasty little boys. But all these stories get over looked because? Brace yourselves… because some people don’t like the fact that there are now spoken announcements on buses and trains! In the words of Aztec Camera –“P-e-r-s-p-e-c-t-i-v-e it’s a mystery”.

Over the last few weeks gallons of ink and acres of pages have been spent on one complaint: “Oh what a Nanny State we live in when we have to listen to the next station being announced.”

The madness is that the Government is now taking a closer look at the issue. A closer look? My letter’s already in the post:

Dear Minister for Knee Jerk Reaction.

Please get a grip. Explain to my fellow citizens that there are more important things in the world for us to get worked up about. Help us realise that this is the end of the silly-season and this is just a story served up for Jeremy Clarkson and his disciples. You could also explain, dear Minister, that the peace of mind brought by these announcements to many uncertain travellers easily outweighs the angst of the minority of passengers who sit muttering to themselves and peering out the window for the next thing to rant about.

My local buses talk. They only talk. They don’t gossip. Gossiping busses would be far more interesting. Imagine, instead of the, “This is the 94 to Piccadilly Circus”, you could have, “Guess who I saw on the bus earlier? Yes, him. That used-to-be famous comedian, what ‘is name… Mark Lamaar?”

I would still want to know that the next stop was Abinger Road, but in between I reckon my bus could be a fountain of fascinating information. I mean don’t you often wonder who that weird person who boards the E3 at Turnham Green singing to himself is? (No reader, it’s not me!!) My gossiping bus could tell you just as he gets off, “Bye Charlie! Oh it’s so sweet, he only sings when he’s stressed - its’ stress related you know.”

Maybe the technology isn’t quite developed enough yet but it’s not far off. I was at a meeting recently with a group of boffins from Japan. They were getting very excited by the application of mobile phone technology that made it possible for visually-impaired people to navigate using their mobile phones. The worry for me would be that I would hit the wrong button and end up having to pick up yet another item on the way home from work, but the technology does exist, it is coming.

Gossiping trains would also be good. But admonishing trains would be better.”Oi! That space isn’t for luggage – it’s for wheelchair users! Don’t be lazy. Go put your luggage in the storage area like everybody else! The exercise might even help you lose some weight.”

Better still would be announcements along the lines of: “Do not leave that folder there, it contains valuable state secrets and you will only cause a kerfuffle if you don’t take it with you.”

Having a hearing impairment means I also like the fact that there are also visual passenger information systems on trains that tell me what the next station is. In the morning on the way into work this means I can either read the Metro (not a “news”-paper as such, but a version of the news whereby nothing is explained), admire other passengers in my carriage or just sit back relaxed in the knowledge that I won’t get disorientated on the journey and miss my station. All the tourists are also happy because the train tells them the name of the station they are arriving at.

I still think the gossiping train would add something though. “Don’t eat in the Italian Deli to the right of the station entrance. The staff are all exiled mafia hit men who will cut your fingers off if you quibble about your change”. Doubtless such announcements would lead to a surge in complaints from the “silent majority” and a decrease in applications for Disabled Persons Railcards from people who lost digits through disputing business transactions in the hospitality industry.

I realise I may not be being entirely objective about the general complaint. We do live in the world where there is a great deal of unnecessary noise. Dogs bark, the wind blows in the trees at night and only occasionally is the world absolutely still and silent. Then again this noisy society gives us food on our tables, a roof over our heads and an education system that helps people fulfil their maximum potential.

Some people squander the amazing opportunities that life offers and decide to be journalists. The rest of us recognise that society is a fine balance between individual want and collective need. Providing most of our wants are met most of the time we will accept that only very narrow-minded and shallow people could choose to be frustrated by trains and buses that talk.

Until next time